Here’s the thing…

So here’s the thing, I am no pro. I make mistakes daily and lose my sanity at least once a day. I knew becoming a mom would change me, i just didn’t think it would change me as much as it has. I knew I always wanted to have kids someday, it’s just pretty surreal that someday is now. It didn’t go exactly how I planned, but when does anything? And to have kids at two really big different stages in life really helped me grow as a mom and really sink into my new role. I honestly thank God everyday for my journey, for guidance through motherhood, and strength. Because let me tell ya it takes a lot of strength, sacrifice and selflessness to really take on the role of being a parent. There’s no half-assing this thing. It’s 110% or nada for me. A lot of things had to change in my life, and I knew that. I definitely wasn’t ready for that to happen but I knew it would, and would fast. I knew I’d lose connections with friends, I knew working would look different, I knew how I was living my life before getting pregnant would do a full 180 and be nothing like it was before. I knew literally everything would change. And it all did. But it all did for the better. I was scared outta my mind to become a mom, but fortunately for me I had to learn quickly to parent on my own. So I didn’t have time to sit around and think about all the things I wanted to do–trips, concerts, parties, and shopping. My way of thinking and living changed in an instant. Talk about a reality check. Ever since that day, I started to focus on and really think about the more important things in life, the more simple things, and the not so materialistic things. For me becoming a mom was an uphill battle of facing who i really was and who i wanted to be. Because from there on out, it wasn’t just about me anymore. I had a responsibility as a mom to be the best one I could be. 

To me being a parent is the most rewarding thing I have been called to do. Motherhood has shaped me into a better person already, ya know you think you’re good. And that you’ll keep living life how you always have and not really have to change your lifestyle for anyone or anything. Being a mom has been the greatest change in my life! It has made me feel strong, wise, worthy, loved, accepted, outspoken, unafraid, selfless, sympathetic, and humbled. It has changed so many things in such a small amount of time. It has opened my heart to love more, and love deeper which I thought was nearly impossible after having the first baby. Like, how could I feel this type of love with another human being?! But not just share that love and tenderness with them, but share it with my world. It’s like I want everyone to experience it because there is literally nothing better. My days are solely based around my family and just being a mother. Yeah, there’s things I miss out on or don’t want to spend that extra money on because of that, but to me none of those things and moments mean more and will fill my heart and soul than being around my babies. It’s priceless, it’s all consuming, 24/7, feeling like the most important person in the world without the ego or materialistic mindset. There’s no greater feeling than to wake up to my kiddos crawling into bed or giving me a hug. There’s nothing better than seeing their smiles that make me feel like I’m doing at least one thing right. There’s nothing like hearing an “I love you” or “I want to cuddle”, or them reaching out to hold my hand. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t take this life for granted, because I have the most important job. And it’s a job that I want to wake up every morning and do, I look forward to it. This is the stage of life that I am in right now and I try my best to give me all to it. Don’t get me wrong, some days are a struggle for sure. Some days are more exhausting, and feel stressful. Some days I feel proud, others I struggle with feeling like I did enough. It has its ups and downs, and sleepless nights. And I think nowadays it’s harder for moms. Social media has completely changed the game for us. The “public figures”, other mom bloggers, celebrities, lifestyle content people, Facebook and Instagram accounts, depict motherhood like its a new fashion style or the next cool thing “to do”, be a young mom have tons of babies, dress them up in expensive outfits, only put up professional super nice pictures. Who has the better baby clothes, who has the most expensive stroller, who has the most brand name baby shoes, who knows where to get the best stuff and so on and so on. It’s sad honestly, it gives being a mom this lavish and always put together, every baby is perfect. News flash, none of that shit matters if you aren’t happy within as a mom and your babies aren’t happy and well. Yeah, I love looking at other mom accounts or mom pinterests accounts to get inspired but none of that stuff is what motherhood is actually like, or is all about. That’s a lot of pressure, it doesn’t feel real and raw. I guess for me I’ve learned to always trust myself, and have an open mind and heart on my journey. To focus more on the feelings, emotional and mental side of parenting. To really try and shed light on things my kids will carry within themselves as they grow up, start friendships, how they feel about the world, where their hearts stand on certain issues, and how they feel about themselves. I feel like i could talk about being a mom allllll day, it’s kind of all i know now. I’m still me, but I’m the mom version of me. Still growing, still changing, and still trying to navigate this whole motherhood thing one day at a time. 

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