My Journey into Pregnancy #3
So here we are, pregnancy number three for this mama….yeah, even just typing that still I can’t fully wrap my head around it. If you would have told me 2, 3, 4, years ago i was going to be married, a mom to two (one being a boy) and a third on the way….I’d laugh in your face. I wouldn’t believe it…and I don’t think that’s sad I just think back then I know I wouldn’t have been ready for this stage yet. And now that I am actually at this point and in this stage of life, I know it’s exactly where i’m supposed to be. Without having faith and trust in myself and believing wholeheartedly that god is in control… I wouldn’t feel as unafraid as I do. I mean sure, to think of juggling three kiddos – one going off to kindergarten this year, (hold for a mini cry session), taking care of our home, being a wife, being a homemaker, and also taking care of myself. I can get overwhelmed pretty quick. But I also just know I can handle it, that i’m going to handle it. All my fears and worries are justified, I won’t shy away from them instead I intend to face them head on and become an even better mom and parent than I ever thought I could be.
Thus, leads into how pregnancy number three has been going. I’m here to document it, cause ya’ll, it has been nothing, nothing like my other two pregnancies. Now I’m not here to gain sympathy, change someone’s opinion, complain about something that may seem like nothing to one mom, I’m here to share my story. I’m here to share my journey, offer a safe place for other women to relate and maybe get an insight on how some pregnancies can be. I’m not here to scare anyone away, or make someone feel like they never want to be pregnant in their life….this blog is meant for these topics. To have those uncomfortable talks that can lead to something beautiful, can lead to a sigh of relief, to connect us all together and make sure everyone knows, they are not alone.
How I have decided to go about sharing this pregnancy.… i’m going to do it in parts. I will share how each trimester has gone, slowly go into details about everything, symptoms, body changes, good things, crappy things, midwife info, etc…. and down the road I will share the birth story and postpartum. So up first is part 1, and I will also be sharing more info about part 1 in our Instagram live this week…so make sure you tune in for that!
We are pregnant….the beginning.
I was barely even a week late with my period, my husband thought I could be pregnant….(he just secretly really wanted me to be I think) I knew I could still get my period within the next few days so I honestly wasn’t at all thinking I could be. We had planned to start trying for our last baby sometime in may of 2021…so in my head and heart I was always set on that. So to find out that I was indeed pregnant…(sometime at the end of September) I was pretty much in shock and my hubby acted like he was…haha but he was so happy. It was like the movie scene when you tell him and his eyes light up and get all teary and you hug. Yeah, it was the best. But ya know what’s not like movies….all those “pregnancy signs” they tell you you get. Like guys, the only one you need to be concerned about is if you miss your period…that is it. And for a lot of women most pregnancy symptoms don’t start till a few weeks in, sometimes months and for me that’s exactly how it went. It wasn’t until about 4 weeks after we knew that I started to feel some changes. I immediately got hit with the worst nausea of my entire life. Picture your worst hangover ever…(where you feel like you’re gonna die) and now times that by a hundred. I could barely move, because each time I did I felt so sick, physically sick, debilitating. I only got off the couch to go to the bathroom, and take care of the kiddos…and no food sounded good. So if I did eat or drink anything each bite and every sip I took, I felt like I was going to immediately throw it all up. It was completely nauseating to eat or drink. So I was super dehydrated, I felt so tired everyday, as if I didn’t sleep a wink the night before. I felt like the worst wife and mother in the world…things got neglected. One day a week I would find the strength and energy to clean and try to do laundry and that was it.
We had decided to wait until we had our first appointment with my midwife and get that ultrasound to tell our families and friends. So it felt pretty isolating to go through most of my first trimester feeling that awful and not talking to people, and trying to hide how I felt when we were around people. It was rough on our whole family, we all felt the weight of this pregnancy and how the beginning was for me. But my husband showed me such grace, and I too had to show myself grace. I think we as moms try really hard to make it seem like we have it all together, all the time. We really are the glue that holds it all together, we put all this pressure on ourselves to not show weakness or how tired we may feel. This pregnancy so far has taught me so many things already, and one big thing is to show myself grace. I don’t have to be superwoman, I don’t have to have my shit together 24/7. I may feel so tired one day I tell the kids we are snuggling up, laying down and watching Disney movies all day. And if that’s what it takes some days to make it through the day then, i’m not a bad mom….I’m surviving. The first part of this pregnancy was rough, but I think it was really preparing me for what was to come. And even though I had been through this twice before, it still has thrown me through a loop. The beginning stages of this pregnancy have been nothing like my other two… so I felt kinda scared. I honestly thought something was wrong because of how bad I felt.
Stay tuned for part 2 on my next blog!