I had such a fun time writing on this topic last time and I think our readers really enjoyed this topic, so I wanted to write a part II. Last time I searched the internet for other bloggers who had shared on this topic and tried to find what fit for us. This time I sat down and really pondered on what is true for our relationship. Alex might have her own opinions on this topic, and I would love it if someday she gave us all her rebuttal, but for now you all can hear these stories from my point of view. Once again, I am going to leave the “sex” topic off the list because that topic goes hand in hand with moms dealing with postpartum, lots of hormones, and all sorts of fun stuff that I believe is really for moms to share themselves if they so desire.
I do want to share that this topic is meant to be for fun and to encourage us all to feel comfortable taking a few bricks off our personal walls. Every couple that I know has their own arguments. We all struggle from time to time with differences of opinion. We naturally see things differently and none of us are perfect. This is probably about communication more than anything. I personally am not going to therapy right now; however, I did when I was much younger and I 100% do believe in therapy. If you think you might be in a position of need and want to talk to someone, I encourage you to reach out for help.
Again, the topics I am sharing here today are specific to my relationship with Alex and some of our quarrels. Maybe you will be able to relate and if so, please share in the comments either on here or Instagram and Facebook. We will write back. Alex and I are very fortunate that our personalities compliment each other in that we are almost always considerate of the other’s feelings when we disagree. We have been in each other’s lives for a long time now and we have been lucky enough to seldom fight. Bringing Savannah into this world did make a noticeable change. Our opinions have gotten stronger and we both feel a need to stand up and hold our ground at times. I hope you enjoy reading about the top 5 arguments for first time parents: part II.
How to Spend Our Time
Time becomes more sacred when you become a parent. You have probably heard someone say, “You just don’t understand until you become a parent.” There really are things that I had thought about that I just did not fully understand before Savannah was born. Most people wish they had more time in the day but now I am one of those that thinks, “what did I do with all that time before Savannah was born?” This is because now you are not getting as much sleep and a newborn requires your attention literally all. the. time.
For me, I sometimes do morning time with Savy, then straight to working all day, then the moment work is done I hang with Savy all evening to give Alex a break, then it’s Savannah’s bedtime routine, and then we are at 9:00 PM and I’m beat and ready for bed most of the time. For Alex, she is up several times a night, then with Savy for 8-9 hours straight constantly giving her attention or literally carrying her because Savannah will cry otherwise, then she gets some me time in the evenings, then bedtime routine, and then she almost always unwinds for an hour then goes to bed.
Now, neither of us are complaining one single bit about any of that and we would never trade Savannah for anything in this world, but that does leave us truly cherishing our remaining free time. And we do not always agree on what to do with that free time. Ha! I typically like to get out and go do something and Alex really enjoys relaxing. For me, I do not have to work on the weekends, so I want to spend the day around people or doing activity. For Alex, she wants to enjoy relaxing during the morning and afternoon since she is typically struggling to keep Savannah satisfied all day every day. Last minute plans typically do not work for us. Mentally it is a lot for us to pick up and go. Sometimes I see families on Instagram doing that, living out there, traveling the world… I envy them, but I honestly do not think I would actually enjoy it. I get stressed just thinking trying to do something spontaneously.
Money Money Money
Money is a BIG topic for first time parents and all couples for sure. There are so many issues surrounding money. Do we have enough? Are we saving enough? You are spending too much! You bought that without talking to me?! How are we going to afford this? We can not go on this vacation or buy this treat because we need money for XYZ.
For us, our biggest disagreements are on how to spend the money we do have. Someone once told me that your thirties are the best time in your life because you have enough money to do stuff. I think someone in their forties told me that actually your forties are the best because you have enough money to do the really cool stuff. Well, for Alex and I, we do have more in our thirties than we did in our twenties and thank God we do because we have more expenses now. We basically feel comfortable with our bills and then we sometimes fight over what remains and how we want to give it away!
I love to save money. I like using it on vacations. I like buying nice gifts for our family. I like buying things that last a long time… I am someone who would buy one item of clothing that is a higher quality instead of a bunch of things that are more affordable. Most importantly, it is important to take away that I always prefer to save money and if and when I do spend, which I would prefer to do infrequently, those are the things I like to buy. Alex, well she likes the little comforts in life. She likes the little daily treats like coffees and pastries, ice cream, Scoot Scoot, going to TJ’s and Target to buy things for Savannah, coffee mugs. Ugh… those things stress me out.
Really though, Alex is willing to save with me and we spend time discussing how we want to spend our money. We are usually able to come to an agreement. Savannah has changed our conversation a lot. Luckily, both of us want to spend our money on her instead of us. That helps.
Are You Listening? What Did You Say?
They say couples evolve and change into different people over time. Well, Alex and I have certainly had new and different interests over the years and bringing Savy Bee into this world really changed everything for both of us. Alex got SUPER into mom stuff and I don’t know, I just have new interests all the time. This can go both ways at times but I would say 90% of the time it goes like this: Alex has been listening to a podcast or watching a video or reading a blog or something and then she wants to tell me all about it. She talks and talks and talks and then notices that I am multitasking… And she say, “are you listening?!” I always here that part and look up at her and say, “Ahhh, what did you say?” Then I can just see her eyes bulging and the corner of her mouth start to curve up with rage!
Like I said before, new parents basically lose all “me time” or “free time” during their day to day lives. You kind of just get used to multitasking all day long. Alex and I like to watch YouTube videos, listen to podcasts, have something streaming in the background, and you know, we are always scrolling on our phones. We probably have a problem and need to “unplug.”
I like to watch YouTube videos on the talking heads discussing sports, Game of Thrones theory videos (yes, I still watch them), and fantasy football advice. Alex likes to listen to Chatty Broads podcasts or other mom podcasts, or sometimes murder podcasts. We both love to have the show New Girl going in the background. Oh and I like to FaceTime people a lot. So if one of us is doing one of those things, the other is holding Savy Bee. So it’s just not always easy to listen to your partner’s little story that they are so interested in…
I’m probably holding Savy Bee, trying to get her to laugh or stop crying and Alex is telling me all about the intricacies of when is the best time for Savannah to start sleeping in her own room or why we need to get her this specific brand of baby lotion instead of our current specific brand that was really important a month ago… 😊
How to Travel? When to Travel?
This is probably a lot more relevant now because we are all dealing with a pandemic. I am not going to say a lot here because everyone gets it, and everyone is dealing with this problem. The issue is COVID seems to flow up and down. Sometimes Alex and I are really worried about it, other times it feels like it is going away, then it comes back. We have social distancing fatigue and people really want to see Savy Bee. We want them to see her. But it is scary, and we do not always know what to do.
On top of that, Alex and I both really like to travel, and we want to try and experience traveling with our little girl. But are planes safe right now? Savannah flies for free until she is two years old. There are a lot of places we want to see that would be easier if we flew. Plane tickets are super cheap. But is it safe? We could drive, but will anything be open? There are so many concerns and honestly Alex and I do not always agree.
Shouldn’t You be Doing XYZ Right Now?
This one is an actual FIGHT that we have! And I will take most of the blame because I really started it. So lets say that Alex agrees to do something. It could be anything but I will give you a couple examples, doing the laundry, taking pictures for the next blog post, making lunch, paying a bill, or whatever. These are all things I do too by the way! I just mean when one person makes a statement announcing they are going to do something. Well, if I start to doubt that it is actually going to happen, I always call it out and say, “ahh, shouldn’t you be doing XYZ right now?? Or it is never going to happen!” Yeah… Alex doesn’t love it when I do that!
So now she has started to say that same thing to me and I realized that I might have been being a little bit of a hypocrite! I really hate it when she says that to me now and it’s my fault because I started dong that to her first!
What do you think? Do you agree with me? Tell me in the comments below. Next time we will look at why new parents fight, what factors are working against them, and perhaps a few methods first time parents can give a try to prevent these fights before they begin. Thank you for reading and happy parenting!