Papa Bear

The Top 5 Arguments For First Time Parents: Part III

It must be starting to seem like Alex and I actually DO fight and argue and kick and scream at each other all the time since I am now writing part III of this amazing topic! I have to smirk a little bit because just like any other couple, we certainly do have disagreements. Mostly what we have instead of an argument is a discussion about a situation that did not go according to plan. Our expectations of what was going to happen or what was supposed to have happened, were not same. Yeah. It’s really about setting the correct expectations on the front end… I think. The truth is Alex and I have been pretty lucky when it comes to disagreements and everything has stayed on the “mild” side of the spicy spectrum.

When I was preparing to write this blog post, I combed through my previous research and then I hit the interwebs again and tried to find some fresh posts on common arguments. The big three are sex, money, and frankly, dads not putting in the same effort as moms in some way (lets keep in mind the overwhelming majority of these blogs are written by moms). Once again you are getting my perspective and I am curious to know if Alex would agree with me, but I just don’t think we really fit that mold. We have our own very specific hot button topics and I want to talk about those today. This post is probably not accurately titled because it’s really just about our top fights, which is more fun anyway.

Alex and I have really enjoyed keeping this topic lighthearted and fun. I consult with her on the topics to see get her thoughts (briefly) and she agrees that it’s all in fun. We would love to know what your big arguments are?! What are the little things send you over the edge? Are there any nit picky things that your significant does that annoy the crap out of you?! Let us know on our Facebook or Instagram page! I hope you enjoy part III of our top 5 most common fights, but first, here are my upcoming blogs. Oh, and I had to change the order around a bit because I haven’t asked the father I want to interview just yet!

Upcoming Blogs

  • Wednesday October 14th – My Debunked: Why We Are Choosing Not to Spank Our Kids
  • Wednesday October 21st – Dad Interview
  • Wednesday October 28th – Halloween Special
  • Wednesday November 4th – DIY Project – Savannah’s Playhouse Update

Who’s on Savannah Duty?

Alex and I call being the one responsible for taking care of Savannah in a particular moment or for a period of time, “Savannah duty.” I think everyone understands that parents love their kids and always want to be around them, and we love Savannah a TON, but we also all like a little bit of me time when we can get it. When one person is on Savannah duty, the other person gets a bit of me time. We use this for phrase for pretty much everything. We take turns putting her to sleep after bath time, for whose turn it is to get up in the middle of the night (Alex has done this more often than me lately, to be fair), if someone wants to run to the grocery store, or even if someone just wants to take a shower. The other person is on Savannah duty.

Since I work from home, we are both home with Savannah most of the time. I pop down and see her from time to time to take a quick break and then after work we are both chilling with Savy for the evening. Savannah duty is more for special moments when the other wants to be “off duty” for a moment. And we have had our disagreements on this topic. Let’s say I get asked to be a sub for my old dart league, well then Alex will be on Savannah duty all night. One night isn’t an issue, but sometimes it ends up being two or three things in a row. Honestly, Alex deserves a lot of credit in this category because I definitely ask her to be on Savannah duty a lot more often than she asks me!

Sorry, I’m Working… “From Home”

We have really gotten into a groove with this one in the last two months but before that we DEFINITELY had some disagreement on this topic. I know we aren’t the only ones either because Alex was Facetiming with our friends that live in Paris and have the same situation with Guilliaume working from home. What happens is when the person working from home (me) decides to take a break of some kind, could be 5 minutes, could be 20 minutes, to do whatever, the other person (Alex) sees it as an opportunity to ask if the person working from home could help out in some way. Haha, I think you can probably see this from both sides right.

Alex will see me come downstairs and maybe start browsing through the refrigerator while maybe listening to a YouTube video in the middle of the day. She’ll quickly say, “oh are you do not busy right now,” or then she got real smart and would ask, “what’s your day look like today?”

It’s a trap.

Pay attention those working from home. These questions are a trap. Haha, pretty soon I was getting asked to be on Savannah duty while she took a quick shower or straightened her hair or ran to the grocery store for something real quick. Savannah doesn’t really do this anymore, but there were times when she was probably crying for an hour straight and Alex just wanted a break and it appeared that I wasn’t doing a lot in the moment…

From my perspective, whether a person is working from home or in the office, they are always going to take a break just to step away from it for a moment. I do a lot of virtual meetings and lets say I just had two or three virtual presentations in a row and now I don’t have my next one for a couple of hours. I probably have a lot of other things I need to do, emails, etc., but I may decide it’s a good time to take a break, grab a bite to eat, then get back to work before my next meeting. I have the schedule in my head.

This is probably always going to be a thing because we both find it a little funny and there is truth to both sides. I LOVE that I have the opportunity to see Savannah more than when I worked in the office and my work is flexible so I try to move things around and help out whenever I can. It’s those little moments though when I do have something coming up and it just doesn’t work out quite right!

Pooper Scooper

The pooper scooper is in reference to our new dog Ghost. We got him about two months ago now and he has been a complete joy to our family and quite frankly, it feels like we have a second child at this point. We had a cat and cats can basically take care of themselves. Ghost is another story and he eats our things!! One of the many new tasks that we had to pick up after we got Ghost was picking up his poop from our backyard. When it comes to picking up poop in your own yard, the sense of urgency isn’t there like it would be in the neighbor’s yard, but the ever-growing task is still a must. Otherwise you are going to mow over it or step in it. I’m not so sure it’s actually good fertilizer either, that might be just a myth.

The big argument came into play when Alex demanded that she was going to buy this giant pooper scooper. This is really a two-part fight. The first argument was whether or not to buy it. The second and on-going fight is who is going to pick up the poop. I can’t remember how much it costs and it isn’t so much about how much it costs, to me it is more that I don’t love spending money on luxury items such as a pooper scooper. I’m more of a lets save and use a Wal-Mart sack to pick up those poops. Alex is definitely all about the bling enjoys buying the things that are a little bit fancy. I know it’s a little crazy to call a pooper scooper fancy and honestly, it isn’t. It’s just a regular ol plastic claw thing, but to me, we didn’t need it. Well, guess what, we got it.

Now that we have the pooper scooper, who is going to pick up the poop. I said that the cat was mine, the dog was Alex’s, so she gets to pick up the poop. I swear she said that’s fine. The first time Ghost had an accident inside the house, I said, “You’re in charge of accidents!” Alex acted like we had never had this conversation before! Alex ended up cleaning up that one. It was on the rug in the basement. She would turn out to be the lucky one though, the second accident was inside Ghosts kennel. I had to drag the thing outside, spray it down, toss the poop, clean the poop from the walls inside the house where Ghost had pushed it through the bars, and the list goes on, but I will spare you the rest.

I tried to hold strong with my stance that Alex was in charge of picking up the poops with her new pooper scooper, but she was able to convince me that it didn’t make sense for her to pick up all the poop and that she never remembered having a conversation about her being in charge. Today, Alex picks up the poop on Wednesdays and I do Saturdays. Alex usually straps Savannah on with the Ergobaby and walks around in the back yard with a trash bag and a giant claw. It’s hilarious.

Oh, and then I found out Alex was using a regular sized trash bag to drop the poop into. I’m talking about a 13-gallon kitchen sized trash bag instead of a bathroom waste basket with a Wal-Mart sack inside. I’m thinking ‘are you CRAZY!’ I was able to win that argument and now Alex uses an appropriately sized bag for the poop. Oh, and then, what happens when Alex misses her day “by accident?” Am I supposed to be on double duty because she missed her day? I don’t think so.

You’re Making Dinner Right?!

Our eating habits and preferences could not be farther apart! I am probably the weird one because I can eat really large meals at times and other times I actually don’t even mind just skipping a meal. If I get really into something I am working on, I might just forget to eat, then I get tired and I go to bed. Doesn’t bother me a bit. I might wake up the next morning hungry, so I’ll just make a good-sized breakfast. Alex doesn’t just skip meals like that and in fact, she gets HANGRY when she doesn’t eat regularly.

Sometimes when Alex says she is hungry, I like to say, “just have a big glass of water.” It really gets her upset. This topic actually is one we sort of argue over regularly. At this point I know that Alex wants to have an actual lunch and dinner every day. One where we sit down and eat together, at least for dinner. The meal needs to have all the big-ticket items, can’t just be a big bowl of mac-n-cheese or ramen. So then the question becomes, who is going to make it.

I like to go with, well you know I was working all day. That doesn’t get me very far because Alex was taking care of Savannah all day and honestly, although I would love to switch for a few days to get all that Savannah time, I don’t think I could do it. I’ve seen it for months now and I just don’t think I am built for that. I need the me time more than Alex, I think. So of course, we take turns making dinner. We have gotten pretty good at making fun dinners and it’s really nice when the other person specially asks if you will make something. Then you know it’s pretty good.

It’s always having the night off from doing the cooking because then you really just get to relax with Savannah and chill out. I guess that’s only every other night though…

Can I Buy? Well… Did you put it on the list?

This one is all about Alex wanting to buy an endless amount of crap! She comes to me randomly throughout the day and says, “hey, can I buy this” or “Trev, look at these…” and I am suppose to be like yup, totally, definitely buy all the things all the time.

No, I think I mentioned that spending money stresses me out. It’s not how much something costs. The things Alex wants are typically $15 bucks. It’s that I sometimes like to go several days or weeks without spending. I like it when the bills are paid, and the savings is growing. I think Alex actually enjoys spending money. She probably likes the feeling she gets when a package arrives on the front doorstep or something.

I am currently trying out this method of asking Alex to build a list of all the things she wants to buy and asking her to prioritize it. Once she has the list down, we can decide our budget for the month and then that’s that. It hasn’t worked so far. Alex just scoffs at the list idea and then walks off saying little nothings that I can’t quite hear.

She has started using the ‘oh it’s for Savannah’ card as well. It’s harder for me to express my opposition when it’s for Savannah. I should probably make it clear that I am not the keeper of the money either. Alex doesn’t need my permission to buy any of these things, but we are both pretty courteous when it comes to spending money. I’m courteous because I hardly ever spend money and Alex is courteous because she tries to talk things through with me first. Even though I sometimes want to say, “Nope.” I usually try to go with, “how about we think about it for a few days and then if you still want it next week you get it.” This works a lot because Alex forgets like twenty minutes later!

Wrap Up

What do you think? Do you agree with me? Tell me in the comments below. I hope you enjoyed reading about the topics that Alex and I like to fight about! I know it was fun for me to write today! Again, please let Alex and I know your about your hot button topics. We would love to hear it! If you have any suggestions for future blog topics, please reach out to us on social media. We would love to hear your stories! Thank you for reading and happy parenting!