The Top 5 Myths Debunked: How Kind Parents Spoil Their Children
I THINK we learn what kind of parents we are going to be as life happens. We sort go through our daily routine and then something unexpected happens. Our child has a “learning opportunity” perhaps. Or rather the parents have a “learning opportunity,” is more accurate. I’m not sure if anyone goes into this thing called raising children knowing exactly how strict or forgiving, they will parent. We can remember how it felt when we were growing up and use that as a starting point. I think people think to themselves, I want to be like my dad or you know what, “I really don’t want to spank my kids,” or maybe they think, “I am going to try and be there friend.” Maybe someone told them along the way being a friend to your kid is how not a good idea because they will grow up without a parental figure, or something like that. Maybe they read something somewhere that said if you are too kind to your children, they will be spoiled rotten. If you give them too many handouts, they will be entitled. So, what’s the answer?
When Savannah was cooking in her mom’s tummy, Alex and I had a LOT of fun conversations about our potential/idea/hopeful parenting styles. My plan was to let Alex be the enforcer and I would be the one she could always come to when she wanted to get away with stuff! I think Alex probably didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to give her the freedom to learn on her own. She wants to step in and help! And I know that deep down, I can’t be her friend (well maybe a little bit) because I need to be her father.
Today I wanted to look at a “myth” that I think some people still believe that being too kind or perhaps too laid back with your children will turn them into spoiled little brats. I checked out some posts from other bloggers to see what they say and will share with you their findings. I read somewhere that picking up a crying baby could lead to spoiled kids. So, we will definitely dig into that one a little bit.
But before we jump into that list, here is a look at what blogs are coming soon!
I have listed the blogs I have coming over the next four weeks. I want to take one of my weekly posts just to talk about the evolution of my posts and how I want them to continue moving forward. Ghost has drastically changed our lives in SO many ways and I think everyone will enjoy hearing about that. He has already chewed up some of our things… some of those things were NOT cheap. I am really excited to do a dad interview post. So, I will be doing some deep thinking about who should be the first dad that we interview and then I will get to work on that. Finally, I have greatly enjoyed the top 5 arguments posts. They have been a ton of fun to write because they are so lighthearted, and I think the feedback has been a lot of fun with those. Most people can relate to little daily arguments with their significant other.
I would love to get some feedback from our followers/readers on what subjects you would like to read about. If you want to write to us on Instagram or Facebook, we will take your feedback and write a blog post on that subject!
- Upcoming Blog Series Update
- Savannah and Dads First Two Weeks with Ghost
- Dad Interview
- The Top 5 Arguments For First Time Parents Part III
Signs you might be raising a spoiled child…
As with all of my blogs, I want to keep this post lighthearted and fun so I thought I would look up some signs that you are in fact raising a spoiled child. And let me just say, if your child does in fact grow up to be spoiled, it’s really not that big a deal!
- Always giving in – Every time your kid wants a toy or a candy bar, you always buy it for them.
- Empty threats – “If you don’t pick up this mess than you’re never going to get to play with Timmy again!”
- Inconsistent expectations – You laugh off little Timmy picking on his sister one day and the next he’s grounded.
- Overindulge material things – Your kid has the coolest sippy cups and all the G-Wagon Power Wheel
- Please and thank you… not your kid – Your kid doesn’t say please or thank you because they are entitled to everything.
Have you ever met a spoiled little person? In the moment it can be frustrating or quite funny depending on your perspective… I think new parents like myself think, “that’s not going to be my kid. My kid is going to love and respect me forever. She would never do anything to make me upset because she is perfect and amazing!” I’ve been told that is not real life. Hopefully, Alex and I can try to figure things out along the way.
The Top 5 Myths Debunked: Spoiled Children
I will spoil my child if they are crying and I pick them up!
There is no such thing as a spoiled newborn baby. The research suggests that you cannot do anything to spoil a child under six months old. I’ve heard that you should let your baby cry it or give them some time to calm down on their own. Of course, eventually as a parent you may want to start some sleep training and that is a different subject and there’s a good change, we are talking 6 months+ at that point. But simply giving your six month or less old kid all the love and affection, you can possibly give is not going to result in a spoiled kid. Here is an article on a study done at Notre Dame that argues kids who were cuddles ended up as more well-adjusted adults with less anxiety and better mental health. This Fatherly blog post discusses how kids that were treated poorly with harsh words or by isolation and how that will negatively affect them as adults.
I will spoil my child if I don’t spank them!
Here’s a fun topic. Someday I will spend some time to properly research this subject and get some helpful facts out into the world. Until then I will just have to smile when I hear people saying the wrong things here. For now, I will share a few articles on the subject. Here’s one that says the absence of reasonable limits and consequences for inappropriate behavior contributes to spoiled children, not the absence of spanking. Here’s another that says spanking has been linked to antisocial behavior and very poor outcomes for adults. Children need boundaries and consequences. I think we can be a little more creative and sensible than, “well my so and so did it and I turned out find didn’t I!!”
I will spoil my child if I buy them material things!
My wife and I truly love to buy all the things for Savannah, and we know we have to be careful or we could fall into this trap. I say that knowing we can’t afford to do that either! It’s just become more fun to get her fun new cloths and toys than ourselves. Eventually the issue can be that your child doesn’t appreciate the things they have, and they are never satisfied. Here an article by the Huffpost on how children can think the world revolves around them and how gratitude isn’t for them. They will always just want the next thing.
I will spoil my child if am not strict and harsh on them!
Sometimes parents can confuse setting limits or boundaries with yelling or being cruel. This article says what we want to go for instead of being harsh or strict is being calm and consistent. We want to talk about morals and the reasons for the rules and the reasons for consequences. You can have these discussions with love instead of with anger. Instead of giving an explanation of, “because I said so,” or “because I am the parent,” try explaining the actual reason.
I will spoil my child if I am too kind and encourage positive behavior!
Millennials love their positive reinforcement! I know I always appreciate being told that I am doing a good at something and I don’t really care for being punished when I make a mistake. I understand that we need both tools are parents. One might be more effective and should be used more often. This article says the fact positive reinforcement and self-esteem boosts are great for your child. These types of comments raise their self-confidence and encourage their good behavior to continue.
Our Experience AKA What’s Really Going On!
Savannah is nearly 9 months old and at this point we haven’t had to get into too much of this stuff. We are trying to discuss how we think it’s going to go, but we really have no clue. As I mentioned, I still think Savannah is going to be a sweet little innocent girl who traps bugs in a glass and takes them outside forever. I am really not even sure if I think having a spoiled child is that bad. There is probably a spoiled spectrum and Savannah may land somewhere in the middle and that would be just fine with me. We want to try our best and we are willing to be open minded. Let’s just hope she gets her mom’s personality!
What do you think? Do you agree with me? Tell me in the comments below. I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about what doesn’t actually mean you are spoiling your children with me today. We aren’t perfect and Savannah may grow up to be a little spoiled! We are certainly going to go out of our way to make sure she knows she is loved! Please let Alex and I know your experience with your kids and if you have any tips and tricks! Also, if there is a topic you would like us to cover, let us know and we will try to do that for you. Thank you for reading and happy parenting!